On addiction

So today is April 20th, or 4-20, which I learnt last year is slang for pot ; what better day to write about addiction than this? Actually, I’m going to take the point from my caffeine addiction which I discovered for sure little more than one year ago, and then have a little status report on my health for those who still are interested about it.

The addiction is not gone, and I sincerely don’t care; I had to take it slow last summer since it could have stressed a damaged pancreas, but since I had surgery the problem seems to be gone. Which is good, since I cannot go lower than three cups of coffee a day, if I do, problems ensures, migraine mostly, but not just that.

I also tried to experiment with some variant of the mochaccino; since I don’t usually drink cappuccino (which would be the latte with steamed milk) because of time constraints, but rather a “macchiato” (what is usually called a latte in the US) with normal, 1.5% milk mixed in, I just used some shards of dark chocolate from the just passed Easter (I’m still mildly diabetic so I wouldn’t be able to eat the chocolate straight away, but a little powder over the coffee doesn’t seem to affect me in any major way) and powdered them over the mug.

I could add a note about the absolute pointlessness of Easter, especially this year; I don’t really find much to party about to be honest, I’m not Christian myself, I cannot eat sugary stuff, and I’m already full of crap at home; just one of my two sisters actually had a practical view on the matter and gave me a shirt (I’m still changing my wardrobe since after losing 30kg, I went from an XXL to a M/L size)…

Anyway, the addiction to caffeine does not worry me; since I took my coffee without sugar, and the milk does not affect me that much, I can drink it at home fine; when I’m out, having some problems with milk, I just get a standard espresso without sugar (that’s probably the only change, before the diabetes I would take black coffee with sugar, and latte without sugar, but now it’s always without). It can become a bit of a problem when there is no bar or other way to get a coffee for a whole day but that’s quite rare anyway. And tea can barely work for a few hours if I need to.

The rest of my health seems to be mostly fine too, I have some various muscle pain when the weather is bad, raining or so, but that’s acceptable. Unfortunately I now have a whole drawer of my bedstand dedicated to meds and drugs; while I used not to have any at all, but that’s manageable. I still have some moments when I don’t feel entirely up to my task, especially emotionally, but it’s not tremendously bad. I guess the psychic scar left by the experience is not going to fade any day soon.

In general, life is not being extremely bad, but there are a few bad spots, especially in memories; for instance, just to stay on topic of the day, I’m still having nightmares from time to time due to the painkiller that they gave me after surgery, which brought me to an almost suicidal peek. I say to stay in topic because at the time, they told me that the alternative to that painkiller for my situation was… pot (that’s what I was told, I admit I have no idea if that’s really the case or not, and sincerely at this point I don’t really care…). I don’t smoke (but I have nothing against people smoking, cigarettes or pot), but I would probably have preferred to get high with that than being depressed by the meds.